Pharmanopolis
Is there a test by which you can judge your own insanity? Can one moment or a series of moments help you to realize just how far you have shifted from lucidity into mental instability?Yes, I believe so. And for this reason, I have compiled for you all a list. A list of things which have shown me how mentally unwell I really am.I have 3 medications sent to 3 different pharmacies because I know which pharmacy is cheaper, I know whether or not they take insurance, I know whether or not it’s a deductible or a copay, and I know whether or not it’s cheaper to not use insurance and just pay the $5.99 monthly fee for a GoodRX Gold membership and get the discount.All 3 of my pharmacists have my date of birth memorized. They don’t even ask for it anymore.All of my medications are refilled on the 10th of the month. My birthday is July 13th. When I went to pick up my medications last July, one of my pharmacists said, “We were wondering when the birthday boy was going to come pick up his meds!”I’ve been seeing the same psychiatrist for so long, they are on a first name basis with all 3 of the pharmacists that I go to.When I was in the psych ward for the second time, another patient smeared some poop on the door of the room next to theirs and I referred to the smeared feces in group therapy as “hieroglyphics.”I can jerk off to more than one pornographic at once. I am a multimedia masturbator. A simultaneous shaft stroker.I take such high dose of antipsychotics that I can barely operate a motor vehicle.My job involves me operating a motor vehicle.Even if there was a military draft, I’m ineligible because of psychiatric hospitalizations. The world’s most war-hungry and violently crazy nation doesn’t want me because I’m too unstable. That’s saying something.I can’t own a gun because of past hospitalizations. The only thing that troubles me about that is that reduces the amount of ways in which I can end my life.I get up on stage and tell you complete strangers more about me in 5 minutes than I’ve told my therapist or my entire family in 27 years.
Trevor Wing is a writer from North County San Diego.
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