The Things I Knew Before I Knew / The Things I Didn’t Know Until I Knew

when I grew up, I was never going to be “a woman” / there was an entire community who felt the same / my gay stepbrother was my favorite, even though he was the one I saw the least / because I saw a part of myself in him / I had a crush on his boyfriend Chris, even though I knew they were gay / it wasn’t a crush, it was envy / I was the only teenager I knew who wasn’t “boy crazy”—wasn’t crazy for anyone / my attraction comes with close emotional bonds and trust / and when I was a teenager I couldn’t trust anyone / my guts twisted when my family mocked anyone whose gender presentation fell outside the norm / because I saw a part of myself in them, too / your family is supposed to love you unconditionally / it’s hard to love someone who you can look at and never really see

Kit Roberts is a queer writer from the American South whose work focuses primarily on the themes of love, home, and longing.

Kit’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_kit.writes/