Ego Death
I can taste the dying,
a hint of metal in my mouth,
as I claw at the rosey flesh
of the illusion that I am
I can feel you forgetting me
as you become your own
An eye for an eye I guess
But if I can say a few things before I’m a journal entry you read back on
giggling to yourself
That I was ever you
let me speak on my own death if this is what you choose
I will begin first and foremost with, of course, the tarp
the projections
(hung for protection of course)
In front of life
and the fruit you reap when you just open your eyes
The space within a drum and the illusion
That you are the vacancy
And Not the instrument
Not the bang
A vibration you can feel
And I only lied because the vacancy was familiar
Quiet like a living room while everyone’s at work
But like the bra caught on stage
You are a free thing that may have been abandoned at some point
But that doesn’t mean it didn’t lead you somewhere exciting
And because you know this
It must be my time to become a memory
And It’s funny how death comes full circle
As one of the reasons I became was your very fear of this
A memory
Becoming one
A fleeting moment in time
And for this reason the tarp draped like a veil
Because to reap the fruit you have to reach out into life
Live it
And let it die
Like the memory
So like a chameleon in threat
You became four-cornered
Checkerboard
Black and white
no spectrum for chance or trust
So your dark became stronger than your light because it once felt safer
But now the dark corners where I hide are pooling with radiance
And there’s nowhere to shrink anymore
So like an eclipse
My truth is seen
And enveloped in the one light I cannot exist within
(The present)
I’ve always protected you
I’ve been like a mother to you
don’t forget me the way they’ve forgotten you
I will eat the ash I made you smoke for a man
I will let you forgive
I will let you expand
I am now a dying star once a sun
Can you let me shine still?
Don’t let me die till
I find what I was looking for
Everywhere but you
Lexy Lu is a poet, artist, and creator that was raised in New York. You could find Lu’s writing on her website: Notesfrompluto.com. You could find Lu’s writing on Instagram as well.